As Ready As He Can Be.

John McTaint is as ready to lead as any man in the United States of legal America could ever want to lead. And McTaint has led a storied life that few could ever match. John McTaint has led a life few have led in the past, for John McTaint is a survivor, a winner, a champion, a legend, a phenomenon, a saint, a god-like figure, an immortal, the messiah, reincarnated for a time like now, here for you, me and most importantly, America.

John McTaint knows what it takes to succeed, to lead, to follow and be followed, like on Twitter, and be the president you've always thought about wanting to think about being in a hypothetical situation that you and your friends thought up last week at that marathon mary jane session on the beach with your friends from Montauk. But that's for another time. For John McTaint is for the now, the wow, the how, the papa-oooh-mau-mau, poppa ooohm mau-mau. Or so the hipsters liked to say when he was a young man growing on the docks. John McTaint has seen trends come and go.

John McTaint's literal rags to riches story is one for the ages and serves as an inspiration to many. The legendary president-to-be is believed to be born in Caracas, Venezuela, when he was very young, from parents of unknown origin. One day, as friendly men on boats were going up and down and back and forth through the Panama Canal, a large moat-like structure used by boats and ships to get from Africa to Maryland, they came across a strange wicker basket filled with trash and sewage floating on the water. The basket was about to be chewed up by the large engines on the ship until fate stepped in -- the ship's captain was about to get lucky with a local nubile Panamanian lady of the evening when she dropped her dress into the water and it landed on the basket. She immediately scooped it up and noticed the young baby inside, then handed it to the ship's captain while waiting to get paid.

Stay tuned for more on John McTaint's very exciting life, including his 17-year imprisonment in Western Albanian prison camps that led to his decision to make American Hero Camps.

Senator McTaint has seven children and four grandchildren, and currently lives in Phoenix, Arizona with his wife Sindy.